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Misc

Portugal is the site of a new disease, and many of them are sick. The UN has suggested that any travelling to the country stop, but the UN is filled with pussies... so no one cares. The only known cure for this disease is to have the infirmed eat the "******* de Bacalhau" (Codfish Wank), which is a Codfish and Tomato salad. Another interesting factoid is that on July 4th, 1996, Portugal was the only country that was not invaded by the aliens. The aliens were found to be allergic to nasal accents, mustaches, and codfish.Nevertheless they took a souvenir from "Caldas da rainha" where it's God shows in many different pennis shapes which can be offered to any needed pilgrins.
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mais ...

Portugal is located in southeastern Ireland, which is believed to be the Holy Land of earth. Most Mormons and potato pickers, who make up the majority of Portugal's population, live in shacks made of cotton and bagels along the shoreline. The islanders are known for their bad tempers and hatred to those who do not constantly eat all the pre-cut cheese and crackers. Visitors to the island should bring with them Magnesium Citrate for their own bowel's safety.

Portugal invented Brazil, because the portuguese explorer "Mr Brazill" invented Brazil, since he had nothing else to do. When the first colonizing ships arrived in south America, the country was given the name Brazil because the ships landed in Copacabana Beach and it was plenty full of brazilian whores. Portuguese (from Porto, similar, but NOT the same as Moorish Arabic, from Lisbon) was the first official language.
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306px-Codshield.JPG


Codshield - codfish (bacalhau) became a deadly weapon invented by the portuguese
 
# Paulo Portas, the gay shown in the picture aside. He is told to have taken it up his ass by his Major when he was Minister of Defence.

# That idiot neo-nazi guy from the PNR party

# Santana Lopes, a baby in an incubator who was Prime Minister for 4 months


Homossexual Community
Portugal contains a strong gay community.
My name is Branco, José Castelo Branco.
My name is Branco, José Castelo Branco.

Portugal's hottest fag is "Conde José Castelo Branco" aka "The Countess" and Flávio Alexandre Cabrita de Sousa. At a young age he showed real potential by working as a drag queen. However he was diagnosed Double Personality. During the day he was José Castelo Branco and during the night he was Tatiana Romanova. That illness seems to be the cause of his career choice or maybe he was just being gay... Soon he decided to have a change in his career, robbing grannies. His first victim was Lili Caneças a rich old errr... "thing". He was very successful at using her to become a celebrity. After robbing a lot of grannies Castelo Branco decided to retire by marrying Betty Grafstein. However he became addicted to botox and had to do several detoxications. After wasting all of his wife's jewels and money on botox José decided he needed a job so that he could support his dependency. Since grannies were in short supply he decided to become a television star. He was accepted into the show "A quinta das celebridades" (an imitation of "Simple Life") in english: "The celebrities farm" and played the role of "animal lover" (poor animals). The show was a success, apparently it IS funny to watch a double personality fag jerking off horses' dicks. During the show Castelo Branco found the love of his life, Alexandro Frota (a brazilian pornography actor), and lived happy ever after... Oh wait! He didn't... Frota betrayed him with Ana Afonso! Poor José... With his heart broken, the countess decided to enter the underworld of crime. He became a jewels and botox smuggler. He also participated in several hotel robberies (stealing towels and soap, it seems like soap is in high demand amongst the gay community). Some time ago he was caught at the airport carrying illegal diamonds inside his ass. How the airport security managed to find the diamonds inside that vastness remains a mistery... It is said that the countess has got a new boyfriend... Sshhh... don't tell anyone... it's <insert name here>
 
Modern Period

There was never a Modern Period in Portugal. Well, maybe there was, the time when they discovered that the codfish is the Man's best friend after the dog, or when FCPorto won the champions league, before the exportation of José Mourinho, a.k.a. LisbonBlaster.
Latest years

Portugal amassed an empire through sea power, however they surrendered the last colony in 1999 when, in line with EU directives, they began investing in wind power. The Portugal hope to amass a cloud.

Once a cloud is caught it will be tethered above the Algarve to dissuade Britons from buying any more holiday homes.

It is also believed that a cloud permanently occupies the space above Durão Barroso's head, the cloud is set to a permanent storm mode, wich gives him that (kinda) serious look.
 
Politicians

* Duke of Brangança, King of the Republic of Portugal and father of two children with huge unrememberable names, who actually are the gardener's kids
* Paulo Portas, the gay shown in the picture aside. He is told to have taken it up his ass by his Major when he was Minister of Defence.
* Cardinal Richelieu
* Cardinal Mazarin
* Alvaro Cunhal, The only portuguese male over 65 who didnt have a faclift, Also responsible for bringing down the birthrate due to being a baby-eating-communist
* That idiot neo-nazi guy from the PNR party
* Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa, the only guy in Portugal who knows how to pretend to read books
* Santana Lopes, a baby in an incubator who was Prime Minister for 4 months
* Salazar, Antonio Oliveira, born from a drop of Chuck Norris' poop, when he founded the country. From the point Salazar overthrown whoever was in charge, Portugal almost became one of the World's super-powers. Though, he left in one clowdy morning to buy milk and is yet to return, he is also suspected of dieing like Christopher Reeve, but because of falling from a chair.
 
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Volkswagens are a kind of automated carriage or buggy that does not require horses to move them forward (or, in some cases, even backward!) Volkswagons are also famous for that new car smell, which in reality, is the smell of all the jews that had to be burned in order to shape the steel. Famous Volkswagens include the Love Bug, Christine, and KITT (also known as the Batmobile).

Volkswagens are today manufactured by the Reichsblitzkriegspanzerwagenwerke AG located in the town of Whoreburg.
 
Peugeot (pronounced poo-jee-ott), is a French manufacturer of automobiles (Such as the 205) and sexual devices. Founded in 1885, by Auguste Peugeot, noted stunt balloonist and cart wheel builder. Combining his two areas of expertise, Peugeot invented the inflatable tire, which was subsequently utilized on that newfangled horseless carriage. He also invented the rubber-based condom, which became an immediate sensation among the bitter yet fertile French population. After 17 years of preliminary research, Peugeot created his first automobile. Six years later, he sold it. And it's been going gangbusters ever since.
 
FIAT is a luxury Italian automotive manufacturer which makes limited number sports cars to compete with Lamborghini, Pagani, McLaren and is intended to fit in above Ferrari of which FIAT owns. It was established in 1647AD when reborn, reborn Jesus decided to reward the Catholic Church for being so devoted to Christianity by building the Pope a luxury 2-seater sports car to allow him to travel long distances on the, then, unbuilt Italian motorways to visit his fellow relgious idiots.
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Model Range

The current model range consists of only a handful of vehicles, although it is believed there have been many more models, car journalists believe that they oxidised before ever being viewed by the general public.

Current Models: Panda - The modern take on a car that, in it's first incarnation, allowed 14674 Italian children to sit on the back seat with enough room to wave their hands about at other motorists for no real reason - this was ideal for the average Italian family but not for any bugger else.

Grande Punto - A Punto, which is widely known as a car driven by 17 year olds in '55 S' trim because their communist parents won't buy them a Ford Focus, but just a little bit bigger. Currently Hitler drives a Grande Punto as VW have totally ruined his new Beetle of which he describes as 'a fucking Golf unt a Mexican hat'.

Nuova Bravo - A car for people who can't afford a Golf and for FIAT salesmen to drive as company cars. Has a toilet built into the drivers seat so he can poo on the move - this new technology won an international design award in 2007 which means jack shit to anybody.

Multipla - A car come bus come van thing which is solely intended for the blind motorist market - incredibly ugly which can scare inbreds into stop loving their sisters. A popular option is swearing SATNAV that helps the blind driver not to crash by adding extreme swearing to the basic direction commands: 'Turn left you blind cunt' and 'Slow down you fuck tard can't you see the lights are on red? Oh no, my mistake you're blind, dick head' are just two of the many commands given by this system.

Some larger dealers also sell the FIAT owned Maserati Quattroporte which was designed to compete with budget saloons like the Kia Kiacrap and the Hyundai Crap-on-wheels - but these Korean cars cost over 12 times more and just aren't competitive with the £70000 Maserati for the budget concious motorist.
 
Toyota is an evil, diabolical machine corporation, hellbent on destroying America's industrial base as well as brainwashing the American people into believing that their cars are better quality than American ones, although over the last couple of years both Ford and GM have taken turns tapdancing all over the Camry's sorry ass in terms of qualtiy.


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As a corporation, BMW date back to the 12th century, when they were founded by Ghengis Khan during his pacifist tour of Europe. For several centuries they produced rainbow's, pixies, and unconditional love, and thus caused widespread revulsion in Europe, which plunged into countless years of bloodshed.


However, facing financial ruin in the 1930s, the company was taken over by Adolph Hitler, who transformed the ailing company into a leading producer of Nazi blow-up sex dolls with twin-turbocharged sex holes and speed vents.

After Germany lost World War II in a game of cribbage, BMW once again faced ruin. However, Hitler's talents once again came to the fore, as he guided the company into the civilian death industry. Since that time the company has expanded significantly, sucking other lines (such as Mini and Rolls-Royce) into its cavernous, rancid folds.

In 1993 Osama Bin Laden Became the owner of BMW and terrorised the world with the BMW M5.

BMW has got the crash test dummy - the one who rules them all. He is called "Bond 007".

The Germans re-gained control of the company in 1565, and added a new, mysterious option called Comfort Access, designed to massage your, ugh, yes, well it's still unknown what this feature does.




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Mazda
Along with Acura, one of two Japanese car companies worshipped by the ancient Persians. Though today it seems quaint to think of worshipping imported mid-market sedans, imagine how impressive any car would have been 3000 years ago.
 
Audi is a German automobile maker with headquarters in Haraevjk, Croatia.

Audi's German tagline is "Vorsprung durch Technik"; this is usually used untranslated, or sometimes in its English translation, "Get out of the fucking way, you dickhead!", but basically it is just translates to "frequently in the shop".
 
Lexus is an automotive subisidiary of the super-boring car monolith Toyota. They produce pieces of shit, usually outfitted with tacky fake chrome trim and cheap plastic interiors. Lexus is a notable Mercedes-Benz wannabe. They were founded by Cher, in a push to create a car that many Americans would find succulent. Well, it worked. Lexus is now the best-selling "luxury" car brand in the US. I feel bad for the retards who sunk $60 grand on those shiny turds!

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Mercedes-Benz is an atypical breed of dog that made its way through Prussia and into modern-day Disneyworld. You can't afford them, so you should probably read this. The dogs are rumored to be the homosexual "in" thing, and are commonly seen with large chrome wheels in front of Lexus dealerships. They were discovered by Tom Cruise in 1572. Cruise has since hired a team of lesbians who sell the Mercedes-Benz models.
 
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